This is something I wrote back in 2015 , really needed to re-read this at this time & I enjoyed it so much I'm re-posting it here . How we respond to each other & treat each other is a topic I'm revisiting . peace blogging again ..........
Experience , a learning , a growth , an evolution of some kind .
teachings , those eye opening moments .
of gratitude , the sigh of relief
This one happened 2 months back
my youngest , our son who is 14 yrs old & I doing a city trip in for groceries & visits
I enjoy time with this one , our last at home , easy going , he who gives joy child .
he is my gentle minded son
he loves bike riding , video gaming & classical music
we love our outings together no matter where . be it a drive along the prairie hwys or a trip to the corner store we enjoy the company of each other
We have fun goofing & loving the little things
I'm giving you an image of who this beautiful person is to lead in to showing how sour & resentful another person can be
My boy & I were in our big city grocery store where we go to get bulk or discount items . It is a store I don't particularly like , the lighting gives eye strain & headache
yet we can chose to be miserable or make the best of experience
we all , especially as adults have choice
we also are a huge example to those younger than us
how we respond in experience is a teaching to those younger
we are our legacy , we chose our actions & how we shall be remembered
So here we stroll down aisles . we dance we chose to laugh & be silly .
we always dance to the piped in music & giggle at labels on products
as we are smiling , giggling having fun in our dairy section
there she is coming down the isle
the woman , whom I know I hurt somehow with true words yrs ago
yes you know me speaking truth regarding abuse etc.
I know I hurt her .our response to truth & loving actions often is hurt feeling
we all experience this
do I have sorrow , a sorry & apology are not the same thing
sorrow as in did I say the wrong thing . no , not in this situation
sorrow , yes sorrow she chose to stay with a man who abuses women drives drunk etc.
apology means to explain , well I gave apology yrs ago & to this day I'd give the same one .
should I have just been quite when this is a man I feel could be connected to MMIWG?
did she hurt me , of course she did . did she say mean hurtful things , of course she did .
yes honestly in time does your spirit not forgive , do you not grow lighter , does pain not diminish ?
do we not perhaps come to have empathy & understanding for the actions of others ?
I've noticed this in several hurt felt relationships lately , those who ease up , who come to have understanding & let feelings acknowledge , come up , release & float away .
& there will be bitterness in some , lashing out for a very long time .....
anyway there she was after all these yrs ago
8 yrs to be exact
I will say I had the opportunity to test my response earlier this summer . to see the type of person I am . to see how will I respond to someone who hurt my feelings .
someone who in an act of love hurt me . yes loving actions can produce hurt feelings . love can contain hurt & pain !
I had to stop & ask myself deep in my heart & mind " how are you going to respond Rox ?" " are you going to give this person a mean look " ? " pretend not to see them ?"
" or possibly have understanding ?" " perhaps , you yourself produced hurt feelings in them ?"
so when that time came . I rose up . I chose to smile . I chose to talk . I chose to love . because I do , I love them very very much .
so that is mu choice , my legacy
We came together to acknowledge , we both expereinced sorrow & empathy .
We are sisters /friends & grandmothers together
so back to grocery isle
here she comes , I feel a bit apprehensive , a bit afraid . no , let that go , how will you respond , I chose to continue with a smile & a giggle with my son
I chose to be open & to welcome her with light
her response , sourpuss face ! yes !
that was her response after 8 yrs !
& what I have not said yet , because it took awhile to fully sink in .
her sourpuss face went to my child as well .
yes , this child of joy
this child who in reality was her god child at one time . baptismal child
he of course did not remember her so he paid no attention
to just another grumpy sour person within the store .
This child had nothing to do with her having hurt feelings
she literally scowled at both of us
So why Buddha ?
Why Buddha & light ?
because of course as we finished our journey within this store
I had this sourpuss woman in my head
I felt badly , sadly .
we reach the line , the checkout & yes of course I wonder will she be in our line .
then there it is a tap on my shoulder . oh no ! it isn't !
I turn , & there she is , beautiful giving sunshine face ! my friend Phoebe !
different face LOL
loving face . friend face
& I also know the legacy of someone like my friend Phoebe .
she is loving , empathetic & forgiving
I was filled with joy & yes relief to see her
to have my child see her !
to be connected with her
she lifted me up .
& whenever I go back to this experience Buddha comes in my head ,
with light & contentment of heart
This experience leads me on , helps my growth , keeps me from being stuck
to know forgiveness , to keep learning understanding
I feel sorry as in sorrow for my child's god parent ,
yet relief those boundaries were put in place
for it opened up our family again to form old connections with friends from far away back
Buddha , leads me to Krishna & now today Kali
I'm going deeper , working hard
this is my legacy
